The Liberal Olympics

Since the opening ceremony of this years' Olympiad was nothing more than a praise and worship service for Socialism, I thought it might be nice, in the spirit of fairness (Liberal fairness, that is), to apply Liberalism to the Olympic games.

Some friendly suggestions:

- Irrespective of who crosses the finish line first, ALL participants are to receive Gold Medals, since they ALL are equal and are equally deserving of award and, those who finished last in the race should not have to feel like they lost. Rather, they should regarded as Gold Medalists for their desire to achieve.

- In the spirit of Affirmative Action, ethnicities must be required to be in the correct proportions in each event or heat. Although this would NO DOUBT pose serious issues in events such as the various sprints, basketball, etc, it is more important that everyone receives the fairness to which they are entitled.

- In the spirit of "women's rights", there will no longer be "men's events" and "women's events". ALL sexes, including "transgendered" (which now, by law, will be required to be represented), will compete as one group. And, of course, at the conclusion of each event, ALL participants will be awarded Gold Medals.

- Swimming events will be eliminated, as this represents a waste of water, a precious natural resource.

- Sponsorships by ANY organization/company/corporation will now be banned, as it does nothing but feed the "1%".

- With regard to NBC, the handlers of the TV market for the Olympics, they will now be required to:
        a. Share, without charge, ALL footage of the games
        b. Share, with ALL other networks, their profits
        c. Share, with ALL other networks, their sponsorships
        You see, it's unfair that NBC makes all this money from the Olympic games. In the spirit of fairness, the will now share EVERYTHING.

There.

There are a few suggestions that will make for a FAR more "fair" Olympics.

Hirota: out

PS: aren't you glad that the Olympics AREN'T Liberal?????